I wanted an ass like Jessica Biels

It all started the day I went to quit the gym.

As I stood there feeling like a complete failure about to sign the paperwork I happened to look up. I saw two women working out and chatting casually while they moved through the weight room. The confidence and strength they radiated resonated deep inside me. I realized in that moment I didn't want to QUIT I wanted what they had.

One of the women was a personal trainer named Danielle and I was told she was the best. So I got her information and stalked (I mean followed) her on social media. I could tell by the things she was posting that our philosophies aligned and my gut said she's the one! So I contacted her and we started working together the next week. 


I had grand visions of this new killer body  — muscles popping and an ass like Jessica Biel. I figured it'd take a few months of barreling through the program and then I'd be good to go.

HAHAHAHA!

Truth is, I was clueless about what I was in for and I quickly learned that real transformation is fucking hard and it happens slowly and it's not just about food and exercise.

It's also about PAIN (physical, mental, and emotional). It's about exhaustion, frustration, addiction, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. Every issue I've ever had came bubbling to the surface and I had to start owning my b.s., my stories, my everything.

Every issue I’ve ever had came bubbling to the surface and I had to start owning my b.s., my stories, my everything.

I was going from a desk-job-Netflix-couch-potato to a 6 day a week active person with an entirely new and foreign diet. I was uncomfortable and I wasn't comfortable with that. 

Everyday I was sore, exhausted and I felt heavy and weak. Moving my body felt like pushing around a barrel of bricks. It was physically painful and frustrating everyday. 

Then came the hardest part: food and drinks — which is 80% of any body transformation. I never knew how emotionally attached I was to my favorite foods until I had to give them up (temporarily). I kept slipping and going back to my old habits and I would get so angry with myself for not being "strong enough" to resist and stay on track. It was (and still is) hard.

And then one average day while in the grind something changed.

I stopped thinking about my "killer body" and the big transformation and started noticing all the little transformations that were happening everyday.

Like my eyes looking alive and my body feeling stronger. Seeing little muscles in my shoulders I never knew existed. My face thinning down and the double chin getting better. I finally got a handle on what foods energized me and what foods drained me. 

Unconsciously I stopped worrying about what I had lost or gained because I finally realized this is a life-long process. There will be days (even weeks or months) where I'm "off" but I don't let that stop me anymore. I just get back to it.

Because ...

Real transformation is a journey that never ends.

It's ugly and hard and beautiful but there is no end result.

It's the daily grind of your actions.

It's waking up early in the cold dark mornings and getting out from under your warm blankets.

It's saying no thank you because you're committed to something bigger.

It's realizing that you may never have Jessica Biel's ass but that's A-OK.

Live In Your Strength

Live in your strength is my mantra.

It means stop worrying about who you think you should be, or what others think you should be doing, and start focusing on what you're strengths.

When you live in your strength everything else falls in place.

You make conscious decisions about the things you do and who you choose to spend time with. 

You listen to your intuition.

You don't do things half heartedly just because.

Living in your strength means you're in touch with the wisdom-warrior within.

You say no to open up space for yes which sometimes means letting go and saying goodbye.

Instead of running from the hurt you face it. You dive deeper. You figure out what went wrong and how to do it better next time. 

The Wild Within

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The Wild Within ...

The Wild Within is your magic, your truth. It’s who you really are when the facades are gone.
The Wild Within is bliss, laughing uncontrollably and feeling happy for no particular reason.
The Wild Within is anger, the fire inside that tells you when things are out of alignment. 
The Wild Within is quiet, the breath of future possibilities. 
The Wild Within is finding balance.

So what do you do when you feel stacked against time, scattered, and zero magic? When The Wild Within feels far away, like a foggy dream?

You stop and reprioritize. 


The past four years have been full of ups and downs as I’ve grown my business. But the one thing I’ve never gotten ahold of is my self-care + work balance.

With me, it’s all or nothing, feast or famine. Work, work, work, rest, work, work, work, clean the cat box, do the dishes, work, eat something, watch a show, have a glass of wine, work, sleep.

The good news is that I’ve grown my business exponentially.

I’ve narrowed in on my dream clients; women who make and do cool things. Created services specifically designed for my dream clients. All while continuing to learn new things and making adjustments to better my services.

Which are all good things that I will happily continue to do. 

What’s missing is the space to breath and make room for new ideas. The time to free up my mind to create content and focus on the self-care I desperately need.


Because now …

The Wild Within is the refection of a person I don’t recognize.
The Wild Within is the pain in my back, my skin, my knees, my heart.
The Wild Within is the blocked negative energy that can’t move. 
The Wild Within is scared.


So it's time for a big shift in my days.

I am making space for Tiger Time a term coined by Amy Porterfield. Tiger Time is a dedicated amount of time each day to create content without interruptions. No social media, texts, emails, meetings, or work to-dos during this time. All notifications and ringers are turned off. 

I am also adding other self-care actions like walking, reiki, massage, meditation, and reading for inspiration. 

I know shifting your day and making space for content creation and/or self-care might seem impossible, maybe even selfish. I thought the same thing until I really thought about it. 

As a solopreneur I am my business. But how will my business grow if all I ever focus on is the day to day work? My business is one to one services but I'd also like to include a Wild Within evergreen offering that I think could help other creatives.

This is something I've been thinking about for YEARS. But I've never put any time into creating it because everything else came first. Just an idea along with hundreds of other ideas written down in one of my many notebooks never to see the light of day. Until now.


Because now ...

The Wild Within is tapping-in and getting my hands dirty.
The Wild Within is giving weight to the things that are important to me.
The Wild Within is action.


Resources: Amy Porterfield's podcast on time management.