I AM AN ATHLETE

At my core I AM an athlete.

But you see, I let exercise take a back seat and instead of doing anything about it I kept to my patterns. I kept thinking it would be easy to "fix" once I decided it was time.

Well, that time never came and I just got more jiggly and mushy.

The backstory: I grew up naturally thin so I didn’t start seeing "problems" until my 30's. I literally remember the day I turned 30 that something felt different in my body. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but something had changed.

In spite of whatever changes were happening in my body I was still able to hide the jiggle under my clothes because I was skinny fat.

If you don't know what skinny fat is, it's those people who are thin but they have zero muscle mass. In clothes they look ok but naked is another story.

There were times I would get really down on myself so I would try to do something, anything. Dvd workouts, P90X, yoga, Jazzercis, aerobics, personal trainers, weight lifting, nordic walking, dancing ... but nothing ever STUCK. I would push hard for a week or two, see no results, and drop it. 

I could probably put a down payment on a house with all the money I've wasted over the years on gym memberships that were never used.

Fast forward to now.

It was the end of 2015 and I was feeling very shitty about myself. Too many holiday cookies, drinks, bad food and hormonal shifts to count.

I felt sluggish and tired. I felt awful. All I wanted to do was couch-it and Netflix binge. But really, I wanted to change.

It was December and I was out on a job doing some photography and video work for Kaia Fit Sacramento.

At first I was just focused on getting the shots of these women working out. But as I stepped back and watched them sweat and tear it up, something shifted inside me. I wanted to join them.

Hell, I wanted to BE them (check out the video I made of them working it).

It was my inner athlete calling out to me and after 15 years of trying to hide the jiggle, I listened. As soon as I got home I wrote the owners and said "sign me up" and I started a week later.

I stayed with the group for 3 months which was the longest I've stuck with any type of exercise in years. 

And though I'm not doing that particular group exercise anymore I learned something so important which is not to give up no matter what. You can change direction, just don't stop.

And though my body is harder to move and at times feels like a barrel full of bricks  - I'm still not giving up. Because I've made a decision to stop the cycle of hiding the jiggle. I've made a decision to become an athlete again.

I will never forget that morning at 6:30 a.m. in the cold-dark-fog and as I pushed myself past my I CAN’T to my I CAN I felt myself getting stronger, leaner, and more capable.

So if you’ve been filling yourself up with a bunch of I CAN’TS just remember one thing: YOU CAN. All it takes is making the decision to change.