I wanted an ass like Jessica Biels

It all started the day I went to quit the gym.

As I stood there feeling like a complete failure about to sign the paperwork I happened to look up. I saw two women working out and chatting casually while they moved through the weight room. The confidence and strength they radiated resonated deep inside me. I realized in that moment I didn't want to QUIT I wanted what they had.

One of the women was a personal trainer named Danielle and I was told she was the best. So I got her information and stalked (I mean followed) her on social media. I could tell by the things she was posting that our philosophies aligned and my gut said she's the one! So I contacted her and we started working together the next week. 


I had grand visions of this new killer body  — muscles popping and an ass like Jessica Biel. I figured it'd take a few months of barreling through the program and then I'd be good to go.

HAHAHAHA!

Truth is, I was clueless about what I was in for and I quickly learned that real transformation is fucking hard and it happens slowly and it's not just about food and exercise.

It's also about PAIN (physical, mental, and emotional). It's about exhaustion, frustration, addiction, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. Every issue I've ever had came bubbling to the surface and I had to start owning my b.s., my stories, my everything.

Every issue I’ve ever had came bubbling to the surface and I had to start owning my b.s., my stories, my everything.

I was going from a desk-job-Netflix-couch-potato to a 6 day a week active person with an entirely new and foreign diet. I was uncomfortable and I wasn't comfortable with that. 

Everyday I was sore, exhausted and I felt heavy and weak. Moving my body felt like pushing around a barrel of bricks. It was physically painful and frustrating everyday. 

Then came the hardest part: food and drinks — which is 80% of any body transformation. I never knew how emotionally attached I was to my favorite foods until I had to give them up (temporarily). I kept slipping and going back to my old habits and I would get so angry with myself for not being "strong enough" to resist and stay on track. It was (and still is) hard.

And then one average day while in the grind something changed.

I stopped thinking about my "killer body" and the big transformation and started noticing all the little transformations that were happening everyday.

Like my eyes looking alive and my body feeling stronger. Seeing little muscles in my shoulders I never knew existed. My face thinning down and the double chin getting better. I finally got a handle on what foods energized me and what foods drained me. 

Unconsciously I stopped worrying about what I had lost or gained because I finally realized this is a life-long process. There will be days (even weeks or months) where I'm "off" but I don't let that stop me anymore. I just get back to it.

Because ...

Real transformation is a journey that never ends.

It's ugly and hard and beautiful but there is no end result.

It's the daily grind of your actions.

It's waking up early in the cold dark mornings and getting out from under your warm blankets.

It's saying no thank you because you're committed to something bigger.

It's realizing that you may never have Jessica Biel's ass but that's A-OK.